Personal Reflection on Being a Graduate Theology Student

The thought of graduate theological studies makes me shake in my knees, and I confess it is for all the wrong reasons.  When it comes to the study of God, the sheer expanse of the subject should induce a healthy awe and unsettlement in my soul.  While my desire is to draw near to God and experience his goodness and greatness throughout my studies, often my personal insecurities, doubts and fears hinder me, and I begin to focus on my own abilities. Will I be able to complete the tasks assigned to me? Can I write with depth and clarity without plagiarizing? Will I fail? Will I graduate?  I shake for all the wrong reasons.  My focus is off. I unintentionally become solely a student rather than a student and a man of God.  I become in danger of forsaking my first love out of fear of failure.  But God’s love delivers me from my fear as I draw near to Him; therefore, I must seek him and depend upon Him throughout my studies.  He is near, and he is enough.  I must include him in every aspect, every task for his Glory.  Through consistent prayer, reflection and renewing of my mind by reading the scriptures, God will transform my thoughts and my focus. Completely surrendering to God and gazing upon his holiness and majesty throughout my studies may leave me shaky in the knees, but it will be for all the right reason.